How about we DON’T and say we did. Is that what they call “false advertising!?” But really… since when did bachelorette parties become a thing? I mean it seems like an odd concept: to be showered in lingerie and eat cake shaped like… well, I don’t have to tell YOU what it’s shaped like 😉 I didn’t even want to have a bachelorette party. I told my girls, “No.” Mostly because I have been a bridesmaid in many weddings and I know how much things start to cost. When you are in a wedding, you are throwing out some major $$$, and a whole lot of time. I thought maybe if I cut out this one thing, I could save my ladies from spending some of their hard-earned moolah. They immediately refused my “No,” and Lauren, one of my Matron’s of Honor went into planning mode.
I hardly knew a thing about my bachelorette party, which for me is a feat. When there is planning of any kind going on I want to be in the middle of it. I intentionally PLACE myself into the middle of it. I love a good party. I love the food, the ambiance, the built-in excuse to spend an obscene amount of money on fresh flowers. Parties are my passion. So you can imagine how I felt when Lauren wouldn’t let me do ANYTHING at all for my bachelorette party. She actually told me at one point, “If you keep asking the girls questions… You will be uninvited!” So I stuck my tail between my legs and I sat back and relaxed – an odd sensation.
I found out later that all of my girls had worked together to make the Ultimate Bachelorette Day possible. Kristin, my sister, took the morning brunch. We met at her house for “Brunch and Bubbly,” and to shower me in utterly inappropriate gifts… which I loved. We ate, laughed, drank a little homemade vino, and then all of a sudden I was blindfolded… Plot twist. Believe it or not, I knew what was coming. The girls took me outside and led me to a pinata, and let me tell you… it didn’t have candy in it.
After I was showered in a rainbow collection of fruit-flavored contraceptives, the girls brought me in the house and sat me down in a chair. This was the part that I was nervous about because I had no clue what was coming next. Lauren said, “Someone else will be joining us for this part. You just have to answer a few questions.” The first question was, “how did John and I meet, and what was my first impression of him.”I would say my first impression wasn’t quite as good as John’s. I honestly didn’t even think the man liked me! I did think he was really cute but he just about ran out the door as soon as the date was over. I vividly remember calling Lauren as soon as that date was over and I sighed and said, “Well, I am not going to ever see HIM again…” The jokes on me because now I am marrying the man! I also couldn’t marry anyone else at this point, because I am totally whipped:P After I told my answers to the questions, Lauren pulled out an Ipad and there was John! They had pre-recorded answers to all of the questions. I will show you John’s answer to question number one, but I will keep the rest to myself. Things got a little spicy… It is a bachelorette after all!
After our “eye-opening” little brunch. We all had a wardrobe change and headed to Board & Brush Creative Studio. My best friend, Danielle had been in charge of the morning activity, and she blew us all out of the water! Y’all, when I say we had a BLAST. We had a blast. I never knew that such a place existed! Board & Brush is like your typical painting class on steroids. We all got to choose a wood project ahead of time, and by the time we got there, the wood for our projects and custom stencils were laid out on high top wooden tables. Every step was explained in detail, and fully customizable. By the end, we all had pieces unique to our homes and personality. All of us agreed by the end that we would readily go back. The class was easy and fun, and the end product was the best part! We all got to take home fun new pieces for our homes – that we had made with our own two hands!
I had two requests for Laur when she said she was planning my bachelorette. I told her, “I want to do a pole dancing class, and I want to wear colorful wigs.” Lauren at this point is so used to my hair-brained ideas so she didn’t bat an eyelash. She just found us an evening pole dancing class and that was that. After board and brush we all headed over to the Lady Kave – that just sounds sultry doesn’t it – to find our “inner woman” and do some pole dancing. I personally have always wanted to try it, but I am glad that I waited for this because we had a private class all to ourselves. Side note: It’s way easier to embarrass yourself in front of people who already love you unconditionally. AND Don’t even ask me why I wanted wigs… Sometimes I can’t even understand my thoughts… The class was broken into three parts, and all of the girls were broken into two groups. Each group would have a chance to learn the moves then perform in front of the other, essentially pitting us against each other. It was SUCH fun! The last part of the choreography was the hardest, it was a lift and spin around the pole. Somehow you had to keep your left leg tucked in so your right light could spin around – GUYS – my brain was NOT processing that in the slightest. A lot of our brains were not processing it 😂 You should have seen the bruises we all came home with. I have “pole burn” on my arm TO THIS DAY. Who knew “pole burn” was even a thing? I will save you all from watching the videos of our routines… Let’s just say we had all better stick with our day jobs.
After pole dancing, we ran back to our Airbnb and did what girls do. We primped, we curled, we mascara’d, and we ate charcuterie. The usual… Danielle had decorated the place so cute, it was hard to leave, but we had one more activity for the night. It involved food, and wild horses couldn’t have kept us away. You have no idea how hungry swinging around on a metal pole can make you!
We finished out our “Marathon Bach” at the River House. It is a beautiful restaurant perched on the bank of the Ohio River, and it is ridiculously hard to get into. To this day I am still not sure who Laur had to bribe to get us a table for eleven people. We were all rightfully happy and exhausted at that point, after creating our one-of-a-kind art pieces, mastering the pole, and digging deep into John and I’s relationship psyche. We all happily sank into our moody, dark leather, booth and ravished ourselves with fresh oysters on the half shell, bay scallops, cornbread, and berry mojitos. It was the perfect ending to the absolute perfect day.
I honestly can’t believe that I didn’t want to have a bachelorette party, because I can’t imagine a better day than we had. We all had so much fun, and that may be verging on top ten of my favorite days in my life. You know I think just about everyone needs a day at the Lady Kave (Insert Sultry Voice Here*) spent with your girls… It’s just life-changing. Bruising too, but life-changing. Well, that’s all for today folks. I am on call today and lucky enough to have a day to myself and I am planning to spend it in the ultimate GTL fashion. That pool is calling my name! Unless crew scheduling calls first:P
P.S: Before you start “googling.” GTL means Gym, Tan, Laundry for all you Jersey Shore guys and gals 😉